Waiting

Years ago, I remember feeling STUCK. I had been ordered to bed rest for 6 weeks. My children were young - three under the age of 6. Thankfully, my mother came to help. I don't know how we would have survived without her!

Yet, even with her help, there were times when I felt stuck. I was stuck in bed upstairs on the 3rd level. All the children's bedrooms were at the other end of a long hallway. Because they wanted me to rest, they always wanted to shut the door or at least 'pull it to' so that I wouldn't hear the loudness of the activity going on elsewhere. Little did they know, I needed to hear the conversations, the noise, the laughter, the doors closing, the microwave beeping.... I needed to feel 'a part of'.

Today, I have been given a "similar sentence". "You can't drive for 6 months." WHAT!?!?! Are you kidding me? I've got things to do - presents to buy - places to go - people to see - I've got a life to live. This house doesn't even have a hallway. It seems the whole house is a hallway in which I'm stuck.

Deep down, I know it's for my best - for the best of others.


Not only have a experienced seizures, I now have episodes of vertigo. It feels like the whole world is spinning at times. Other times, it feels like I am swaying back and forth on a ship. Then, at times, I am caught off guard and fall completely backwards because of the spinning and loss of balance. So, deep down, I know I shouldn't drive. But then, I think, well, I haven't had another seizure. And the vertigo episodes only last seconds, not even a minute. Yet, I know, that's all it takes to cause an accident. To hurt someone. To kill someone.

I don't want to be stuck at home. I don't want to depend on others to get me where I want to go. I just don't like this!

So, for now, I have a lesson to learn.

I remember when I felt stuck and trapped and lonely before. I finally realized, the Lord was just as lonely for me. I realized that He longed for me to long for Him, just as much as I longed for my family to come and be with me.

So, now, I'm seeking Him - His face - His lesson in all of this. What exactly is He trying to tell me.

So, for now, I ramble in frustration at the sense of feeling confined, trapped, restricted, stuck. Hopefully, soon, I will see the lesson in all of this. I'm looking for the lesson in the "hallway."

I know in my other house - with the hallway - sometimes, I was on the way to the laundry room to do work. The walk down the hallway was a time of rest - before the work began. Other times, I was on my way to one of the children's bedrooms. They were awake. I had to prepare. I was on my way to get them out of the crib. The work was about to begin - change the diaper, feed them, etc. etc. I loved it, but the break was over.

I'm hoping now - while stuck in the dark hallway - I take the time to listen and learn - to find the lesson - to prepare - to enjoy the break.

I know His timing is perfect. Nothing is by chance. He is sovereign. I know He has "a table prepared for me". He knows what's best for me! I just need to keep remembering that. I just need to trust. I just need to be patient. I just need to remember. I just need to listen.

I know when we're stopped, we're more able to hear. I just hope I can stop complaining and belly aching so that I can hear. I pray I can trust Him in the waiting.
"Leaning on Jesus - Leaning on Jesus - safe and secure from all alarms. Leaning on Jesus - Leaning on Jesus - Leaning on the everlasting arms!"

I know He is once again calling me unto Himself. "What a fellowship! What a joy divine! What a blessedness! What a peace is mine! Oh for grace, to trust Him more!"

I'm disappointed that I've been told not to drive. But deep down, I know HE WON"T DISAPPOINT! There are always - always - always blessings on the other side of waiting! There are so many examples in Scriptures of those who were blessed after the waiting period - after the hallway. Joseph waited, and was made King. Sarah waited and was given Samuel. Job waited and was rewarded with double. Abraham waited and became the Father of many nations. There are so many others! We just have to keep walking in the hallway, knowing that He is walking with us. We just have to realize it is a time of rest while we are there. We just have to remember that God Himself is there with us!

My hope is in HIM. “The Lord is my portion,” says my soul, “Therefore I have HOPE in Him.” - Lamentations 3:24

He will not disappoint! "And this hope will not lead to disappointment. For we know how dearly God loves us, because he has given us the Holy Spirit to fill our hearts with his love." - Romans 5:5

He will lift me up! "But those who hope and trust in the Lord will find new strength. They will soar high on wings like eagles. They will run and not grow weary. They will walk and not faint." - Isaiah 40:31

I will not be afraid - I will be victorious! "Don't be afraid, for I am with you. Don't be discouraged, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you. I will hold you up with my right hand." Isaiah 41:10

"Because of the Lord's great love, we are not consumed! For His compassions never fail! They are new every morning; great is His faithfulness." Lamentations 3:22, 23

As one of my favorite passages says: "Consider it all joy, my brethren, when you encounter various trials, knowing that the testing of your faith produces endurance. And let endurance have its perfect result, so that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing." James 1:2-4

"He is perfecting all that concerns me!" - Psa. 138:8

Hoping to look back and see the lesson in the waiting. Anxiously waiting to repeat again as Luke said in verse 49 of chapter 1, "For He who is mighty has done great things for me; and holy is His name!"

Until then, I wait.....